got me on my elbow

i think i moved?

2009-12-27T01:24:00.002+08:00

Hello.

http://unlikelyme.wordpress.com

Now you know why I haven't been updating here.

:)

nuts

2009-12-14T21:22:00.001+08:00

I am 50 in the inside.

There are some things which I feel it's better left the traditional way.

Or that it's better to leave the well-mannered way.

And ASH, you're driving me NUTS. :p

Xmas

2009-12-11T23:35:00.002+08:00

These are the people I work with, used to work with and will work with.

And today, the Xmas event my have flopped but it was great fun.

You made me smile today and laughed my heart out.

Awesome. :)

change?

2009-12-09T20:50:00.000+08:00

I need to improve on my English.

I need to improve on my communication skills.

Being firm and blunt are two very different things.

And you've been calling me too frequent recently.

What changed?

this is love

2009-12-05T07:32:00.002+08:00

I was in the car wanting to take a short nap when I suddenly thought about Gen. I remember our Phuket trip where we walked till our feet couldn't take no more. When we got on our cute pink Vespa, we were utterly relieved. I remembered how Gen laughed each time I horn every time I came to a turn. The road was so dark that the only lights we could rely on was our bike's.

Then I thought about Batam. I love the feeling of waking up early in the morning knowing that I was going to travel with the people I love most. The ferry trip which was weird (*eye powers Haney) and the cooking and the cat saga. I felt I was right at home even though I wasn't.

Of course later came the Bali trip. A truly memorable trip where my ego was boost to a level I never knew existed. And Yani is such an awesome travelling partner that makes everything so much easier.

Then again, we have our little trips like our Kota Tinggi trip which left us stranded by cheating taxi drivers. But we were compensated in a way by Char's lousy charade acts.

I also went to Nilai, Kajang and KL after I got back with mum and dad. They may not be the best travelling partners but they can be quite hilarious.

I miss all of this already and I miss you.

Maybe that's why I was trying to save up money so hard for. Being able to travel and see the world. Maybe too I would have enough to finally visit Sica.

Next year's plans are quite a bit to think about. Perak, Yogyakarta, Boracay and NZ. I wonder how much I need to save up. Heh heh heh.

It's coming to the end of the year and it makes me feel all nostalgic.

New year's eve? I hope we can get together to celebrate.

Cos I want nothing more than to be with you.

love

2009-12-03T20:38:00.000+08:00

What do I get you, love?

if i have a choice.

2009-12-01T21:32:00.003+08:00

At work, I face so much negativity and I am always the one who counters it. I sing, dance and give horrid faces. I can walk away without answering the question and instead wriggle like a worm. I then walked away as if nothing had just happened.

After work, I am done with negativity. I don't want to face or hear negativity. I couldn't care less if the TV show sucks or how lousy the director is. I don't care. All I am interested in seeing are rainbows and little elves running around mending shoes. Not that I have any shoes to mend. Still, the idea of it is enticing.

On a different note, it's something about the person you love that defines you. Upon saying that, I am surprised myself at the people I thought I love. I wonder what was it that I saw and came to felt, that resulted today.

Things change and now that I am here, I feel like I have so much more to lose. At the same time, I have so much to gain. And at times, I gain some things accidentally. It is not always good because I always have to end up walking away from it.

Yet even after walking away, it still puts up a chase.

Like you, and I don't want you to.

I know I am right.

It's you who's wrong.

sleep

2009-11-30T20:26:00.002+08:00

Ironically, I am on a holiday mood when I am not going anywhere.

With Christmas and New Year coming, I just feel like partying.

And also, I feel like sleeping now.

What time is it? 8:30pm?

Early?

Nah..

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

past.

2009-11-29T21:47:00.002+08:00

It wasn't that they weren't supportive. The situation took a toll on them which a child can never understand. But things have a way to work out on it's own.

Like how I worked out on my own.

I am better and wiser.

give thanks!

2009-11-28T22:54:00.003+08:00

I feel so tired having to deal with unnecessary tantrums, anger and bad vibes. Of course all of this derives from work. Therefore, all I want to do is sleep. I seem to be falling asleep anywhere and everywhere recently.

On Hari Raya Haji itself, I went to Cik Ros's house and stoned. Then I went to makcik's house and slept on Aimin's bed. I didn't even want to wake up because I totally dig the sleep.

I also fell asleep in the cinema twice! If you think I had wasted my money, I sure didn't! I was utterly satisfied with the sleep. Hahaha!!

Now that pay day has arrived, I have a lot of bills to pay, money to give away. I knew I had spent more than I should during my holidays this year. But I knew it was money well spent and I didn't regret it one bit.

I looked at Tootsie and I realised even more how worth it for me to have bought it. I knew that getting a car would mean financially stretched. But it has brought me convenience that I cannot get using a public transport.

More so it gives me a personal time that I can spend with myself. A personal time to get away from everyone, to be who I am and do what I want to do. I guess deep down that mattered to me more than anything else.

I still get very excited each time I walk to my car. It feels like the first time I met Tootsie! Haha!

This year had really been awesome.

Thank you God. :)

guy laroche!

2009-11-27T18:24:00.002+08:00

I promised myself that when I got the promotion I was going to treat myself to a pricey bag. I did found the bag at Bugis Junction but I couldn't bring myself to buy it. Why? Because it was too expensive in my opinion and totally not worth it.

However today, I saw the Guy Laroche purse again and I had to buy it. It was conveniently in the size I wanted! Sadly, it was still as expensive but I knew it is the one. Besides, I've been eyeing on it since early this year, just never had the heart to buy it.

So today, I bought it without thinking. It sure helps! Haha!

Ok, this purse is so the one.

I am not going to buy another purse for a really long time.

Errr...... I mean 6 mths?

old ways?

2009-11-26T23:52:00.001+08:00

I totally feel like clubbing tonight.

I wish I was at Bali again.

We should have clubbed a whole lot more there.

Now I am left craving.

Heh heh heh.

game?

2009-11-25T22:33:00.000+08:00

It's funny how one tells me that I shouldn't be a perfectionist if I want to go far. It wasn't at all about the effect I would cause on the people around me, but instead myself.

I am here now and I have endless spirit to run the race.

But right now, I need to figure a game plan.

loving it

2009-11-24T20:10:00.002+08:00

What an asshole!

I just came back from the mechanics today and I was told that it'd cost me $150!!!

My poor tootsie! The thought of having to leave my car at the mechanics and collecting it the next day is just too SCARY. I am getting overly dependent and loving my car that I find it hard to part. In fact, I find it super hard to leave it in the hands of someone else. I demand to be there with my tootsie.

I guess, I can get quite territorial.

And you know, he's quite persistent. He's still trying to woo me despite me ignoring him in all means. Some people just don't get the hint.

The new position has been quite interesting. Speaking of that, I have to yet to figure what to wear tomorrow! Oh noooooooo!! I do feel a lil bit more challenged but I am just more than happy to welcome it. I love work and am addicted to it. I like the feeling of putting myself to good use.

I had spent quite a bit this year, after all with the holidays and tootsie. But it was all worth it. Next year is coming soon and I am hoping that I can achieve so much more.

I miss Halif lah.

Ok, random thoughts tonight.

work it

2009-11-21T19:20:00.001+08:00

All I want to do is work.

I am addicted to work, baby!

crawl back to love.

2009-11-18T20:23:00.003+08:00

Next year March will mark my 3rd year with Halif.

When I first dated Halif, I didn't realise it would come to this. Actually, I didn't even know what to expect. I just knew that some thing had happened.

I still feel like we're in the 'honeymoon' period of the relationship.

Not everything in our relationship is rosy. We got into a rough patch twice and we had almost almost split. It was so hard at that point and all I wanted to do was nothing. I didn't want to decide the fate of the relationship. Instead, I left to fate to decide for me. Now that, is something I rarely do.

But we pulled through and today, I know what I feel for him; love. A whole bunch of it.

So where do we go from here?

Halif is but an ordinary man.
The only difference is that he's mine.

not to like.

2009-11-17T20:04:00.003+08:00

"Switching off lights and computer"

That was the most ironic phrase I have ever seen in my entire life! Apparently, it is such a heavy workload that it had to be included in her list of duties.

Where am I working at again? A zoo! Either that, we're just a freak show!

I always thought when one grows old, they lose their hair and metabolism. I didn't realise they'd lose their brains too.

I get really pissed when one keeps telling me, "I can't do this, I can't do that" without even trying. It seems to me that you can't do anything. You're just plain useless which is just too obvious.

You know it's just too bad that I don't know how to suck up. Like seriously how do you do that? Will somebody bloody teach me?! The only way I know how is through hard work. Just by saying that makes me sound foolish and idiotic!

ARGH!

And hello Mystery Caller.

It's been like a year? Or is it more? You've been calling me without saying anything for the longest time and and all you do is hear me talk. I really don't know what's your purpose or even if you have my blog.

For whatever reason it is, I hope you tell me soon.

Don't you agree it's been way too long?

mwah

2009-11-16T21:34:00.001+08:00

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY SAYANG !!!!!!!!

:) love love love :)

for eternity?

2009-11-12T16:34:00.005+08:00

The frequent question everyone has been asking me is if I am going to marry Halif.

Truthfully, I don't know. We can plan but we can never say for sure.

I don't know what the next few years will bring. I do know what the past years had brought. I also do know that things can happen in the split of a second.

Love is a rare feeling. You don't feel it everyday, you don't feel it with just anyone. Once you do feel it, you'll know how special that feeling is and I bet you want to keep it.

Hopefully, we will work out till the end of our lives. If not, I'll just have to figure a new game plan.

Alternatively, I can choose to be a lesbian.

Ok, I take back.

I still do love men (and Halif mostly).

HAHAHA.

if this is not love, then what is this?

Tioman?

2009-11-12T14:21:00.002+08:00

Hello Amigos

http://www.tioman.com.my/

http://www.angryangmo.com/2009/02/16/transfer-singapore-tioman-mersing-how-to/

I am utterly crazy about holidays.

The best option to travel near is to head to Tioman. The resorts seem nowhere fantastic if we want to keep our budget low. At least we get to stuff all of us all into one room! Hee.

Let's all go Tioman.

Now the huge question, is WHEN?! :(

train of thoughts

2009-11-11T20:42:00.009+08:00

I am left with my last few days of my holiday. Soon, I'll be back to work and I wouldn't have time to idle. Like for example, spent hours on Facebook and watching every latest episode of every TV show.

Before everything comes to an end, I'll be driving up to M'sia this Friday for a short holiday till Sunday. The hotel looks good which I hope it is when I reach there. I am most prolly going to laze around the pool and do a lil shopping. Hehe.

Officially, Gen and Yani are like my travel buddies. I love that they travel simple and are easy going. I love the fact that Gen influences me to be sporty while Yani influences me to club. HAHA. Oooh, the balance!

I met Char last night and as usual, we talked about lotsa things. I love spending time with Char because with her, I tend to be very honest. I tell everything and I don't hold back. She's prolly the one person I've been utterly honest with. The very fact I can do that just showed Char is the ONE. HAHAHA.

Now, I need to start saving a lil bit more and cut down on spending a whole lot more. I realised what made me happy is being able to travel. I never once thought I could afford all of these on my own.

I used to remember how the Amigos wanted to start the t-shirt venture and go for dance classes which I can barely afford. I always had to say no or having to contribute the least. It had always made me feel bad like I was never good enough or able to afford anything. But funnily, I never once wished that I was born in a rich family or a family that had a lot more than mine has.

Maybe that's what I needed, a hard push. It was that push that made me what I am today. I work hard became wiser and very much independent. The very fact I am spending my own money for everything that I had spent for till now makes me feel extremely satisfied.

It became apparent when I was given expensive gifts which was good for showing off. But it wasn't at all self satisfying. Not that I don't appreciate, I do. I am just never good at people giving me gifts. I never did know how to react or to show that I like it. Weird, eh?

I love Holidays. I cannot wait for the next. If all goes well, Insyallah I'd be heading to Perak, Yogyakarta and Boracay next year. So now, I have to desperately save up for my car, my holidays and my "other" funds.

Speaking of my car (Tootsie!), ever since I have her, I get lazy to dress up. So lazy, I can't even be bothered wearing make up. After all, I am not taking the bus therefore not many will be looking at me. Driving is fantastic and it sets me free. Except that I get really vulgar when I drive. I am super impatient when I drive which I have to work on.

2009 has truly been a fantastic year for me. This year topped all of the years I had ever lived. I wonder what's the plan for new year though. It'd be cool if the Amigos are still celebrating together during year end. Hopefully, it's something more interesting unlike our BBQ last year. Haha. Maybe we can all invite our loved ones and have a party of our own. The only question is where. And I pick the music!!

So many questions, so many doubts. But it doesn't bother me. Because it's all in my hand and the choices I choose to make.

And you, I still love.
:)

segalanya.

2009-11-10T18:48:00.004+08:00

Him: You have that effect on people. You're not going to fish it out of me.

It's weird how despite the years and through the changes, some things remain the same. It's even weirder when this is not just to one person but to a few.

What is the meaning of all this?
What exactly is God trying to show me?

I am confused.

Bali

2009-11-10T16:14:00.007+08:00

04 Nov 09 - 08 Nov 09

I will update tonight!

2009-11-10T00:24:00.002+08:00

Him: You wrote that I will find what I want.

Me: Yes I did. Because you seem to be looking for something.

Him: Do you know what I want?

Me: What do you want?

Him: You.

Me: Everybody seem to want me.

Him: So how many boyfriends do you have?

Me: You mean now? 10! Haha! The more the merrier.

Him: Can you include me in the list?

Me: Ok can. Today will be 11 then.

Him: I will try to be the best.

Me: Haha. You drunk with Bintang lah.

Him: No. You make me drunk with love. When I saw you for the first time, I fell in
love with you. Even when I closed my eyes, I can still see you.

Me: I am very fat. That's why you can see me even with eyes closed. There's nothing I can do even if you feel that way. I already have a boyfriend and his name is Halif.

Him: I can wait.

Me: Hahaha. It'd be a really long time to wait. You're the 11th one remember?

Him: You might never know what tomorrow brings.

Me: You'll find another girl and you'll feel what you feel now.

Him: I have met many girls before but none is like you. It's different, you're different.

Me: But I didn't do anything.

Him: You didn't do anything and that's what amazing about you.

I am not the one for you or for anyone else.

Bali baby!

2009-11-09T14:26:00.001+08:00

I wouldn't say that Bali was better than BKK. It's just that it's two different places which offers different things. Can't really compare.

Yani and I sure had our share of adventure there and garnered tons of unwanted attention.

Still, I am glad I went and the days I spent there changed me.

Now, I can't wait for my next trip.

I so love Holidays!!!

life

2009-10-27T18:49:00.005+08:00

Some people go through life thinking they can never find love.

Why stay with someone who is incapable of loving you?
Why choose to be with someone who cannot love you?

That's why you think you can never find love.

Some people go through life thinking they are never smart enough.

Why surround yourself with people who put you down?
Why do you have to believe what they say?

That's why you think you are never smart enough.

Some people go through life thinking they are meant to fail.

Why accept failure?
Why is there a need to look only at the greener pastures?

That's why you think you are meant to fail.

I go through life thinking I am never good enough for anything.
It has it's flipside but it brings me to where I need to be.

Sometimes we just need to do otherwise.

reaching the sky

2009-10-26T18:41:00.003+08:00

I just feel that no matter what I do is never enough, for me.

I feel that whatever I have achieved now has yet to make up for the years I've wasted during my poly life. Those 3 years I resent and all I want to do is erase it from my life.

I had achieved nothing throughout those 3 years. It was more so of a honeymoon period where all I did was play.

I want to achieve so much more and I want to make sure I do. And when I do, I hope I made you proud of me.

Reaching is the sky is impossible to do but I might just try.

mdm moody

2009-10-25T22:23:00.002+08:00

Constantly being on the move is driving my body clock crazy.
Well, it's driving me crazy.

I am feeling very lethargic recently and I don't feel like doing much. On top of that, I am snapping at everyone and at everything.

And birds are hazards on the road. You might never know when one would fly and hit your windscreen.

I AM TIRED AND MOODY.

ah bang

2009-10-19T20:43:00.002+08:00

1st day- Nat couldn't find her car. Nat calls dad, "Did you move my car? I can't find my car!!!" 10 mins later, Nat founds her car.

2nd day - "Did I lock my car?" ( This happens twice and Nat walks back to her car twice aft walking far away.)

3rd day - Nat still couldn't find her car. Finally founds it, 5 mins later.

4th day - "Oh no, did I lock my car?"

This apparently continues even till today. Hahaha! To the extent that I now have to stare at the carpark level until I am confident enough I can remember. Bout the locking part, I still have to work on it.

And I realised something about car owners. We tend to not want to park our car too far away from us. It's an attachment thingy. Like how it used to be for ah bang.

ah bang oh ah bang. :(

hajat

2009-10-16T23:21:00.008+08:00

Tootsie. :)

Hajat
1. Keinginan, kehendak, niat, maksud, tujuan.
(Desire, intention purpose).
2. Keperluan.
(Need, want).

The word 'Hajat' to me always had a religious connotation to it.

Dad and I were chatting when he mentioned that all I had 'hajat' for has all come true. It's like I am on a roll. I went overseas this year at least 3 times, got my driving license at the first try, got myself a car two days after, few days later got promoted and I just ran 3.6km in 25 mins. On top of that I had a service audit yesterday which they decided to pick one of my clients to interview on my performance. I was rated as excellent and my client only had compliments to say. Did I mentioned I ran with my company head today side by side?

All of a sudden, everything is going my way. I definitely wasn't expecting any of this, it just happened within the span of 2 months.

I know I should be happy and contented. But I know for a fact, I cannot have everything. I am bound to lose and gain something. But what is it?

When I first had each of the successes, it took me a while to decide whether I should share it. I wondered many times if sharing would be a taboo, a huge mistake. So I decided to just share with Halif, Amigos and my two boys. I figured the people who would sense my sincere intentions for sharing would be them.

The other day I sent my colleagues home and it was really cool having all of us in the car. I love it even more that I am driving. I know I always want to be in charge because I need to be in control. I hate it when I am not. I am not sure how I got this way but I did.

Back to my colleagues, my boss was commenting how crazy of a driver I am. I horned at anyone who blocks my way, 100 metres away that is. They also commented how daring I am to start driving on the road as though I am not a new driver.

I had always been daring and at times, I chose the wrong situation to be behaving like that. I need to start having greater control of myself and understand myself better. However, I am not sure how. I cannot jog and concentrate on me. I cannot just eat and concentrate on me. I get fidgety and uncomfortable. Basically, anything that is about me. Weird, how I speak like as though I am speaking of someone else.

Then again, everyone has their issues (ok this part is to make me feel better). Haha!

I am on the go now and I cannot stop. I feel like I am overdrive yet I still continue. I am starting to become workaholic and I love every min of it. Maybe this is my calling.

Anyways, enough about me. It's Halif's birthday!!!

Even with a mask, you still look yummy love.
I can't wait to celebrate your birthday with you!
This is the 3rd birthday which just shows how time flew past.
I love you and hope you find what you're looking for.
Mwah!!!

Life on earth is but for a while.
Allahuakbar.

promoted. :)

2009-10-14T18:40:00.002+08:00

*drumrolls*

I am promoted. :)

Alhamdulillah.

*does a cartwheel*

change

2009-10-13T18:02:00.001+08:00

Change.
:)

just because.

2009-10-11T21:46:00.002+08:00

2009 may just be the best year I had ever experience.

Amigos went overseas together and not just once.
I went overseas and not just once.
I got my driving license in 4 mths.

There are many more but I find it pointless to say.

I am glad I spent tis year in a fruitful way.

Just because.

it's your turn.

2009-10-11T01:04:00.002+08:00

When you find something you really want, you'll go all out for it.

Regardless of your doubts and uncertainty, you still will.

Just like I did.

Hello tootsie.
And hopefully, hello love.

holiday pls!

2009-10-07T19:33:00.002+08:00

I miss the holiday I went with Gen. I missed riding around Phuket, lazying around at Phi Phi and the never ending exploration.

Bali is finally closer. Just about 3 more weeks which I believe would pass by very fast since I have a lot going on for the next few weeks.

I love my holiday kakis.

I went with Gen now I am going w Yani!

Yay!

I WANT A CAR

2009-10-06T20:30:00.001+08:00

I might just get myself a car.
I might just get myself a car.
I might just get myself a car.

If I were to say it more often, I MIGHT just get myself a car.

*cross fingers*

you bitch

2009-10-01T22:19:00.003+08:00

When I read the news today, I felt myself tearing. I know how horrible it is being the victim but I know too well how I can never understand the pain. They lost everything and life just gave them very little reason to continue living.

We should learn from this catastrophic event and become a better person. Sadly, we don't and instead became worse.

Today there was a complaint. I can tell you I was provoked as it was ridiculous. If there was a list of the top 10 ridiculous petition, this would be it.

We are shameless and ungrateful brats. So much for trying to be a more gracious society.

Wake up and stop pretending.

You're just like any other.

syawal

2009-09-29T22:39:00.002+08:00

Ever since Syawal arrived, my body clock went haywire. I am staying awake and sleeping at all the wrong hours.

I have thoughts to express in words but not right now.

I will soon.

Love and miss you. :)

this is it.

2009-09-25T21:38:00.002+08:00

I sent an email today which I repeatedly told myself not to regret.

I vet the email many times and once I clicked sent, I actually felt a sense of relief.

I am sure this is what I want because two years is far too long.

Besides, I cannot remain stagnant.

nothing more

2009-09-20T15:24:00.006+08:00

Each time I am on off or on AL, I tend to want to spend all the time I have. That was exactly what I did since Wed night. I spent the past 4 days only sleeping after 2am.

I met up with old friends, best friends and family.

And for the rest of my life, I want nothing more but this.

i love thee

2009-09-18T00:28:00.002+08:00

It was ironic how Haney and I were at the same place, only to be separated by the glass wall. I was with a group of different people and so was she.

There was a lil commotion going on with all the smses coming in from Gen and Haney. You guys really can make me laugh.

And tonight is another one of those nights where it made me realise how complete and fulfilled I am.

The thought of knowing I have Halif and my Amigos made me feel so lucky and blessed.

Losing you is not an option.

Because I just can't.

loving you.

2009-09-16T23:15:00.003+08:00

During our dating days, I used to accessorize a lot using bangles and necklaces. Now that we're together, ahh screw it. Hahaha!

Halif is a very unique man. His view on things and what humor means to him is not what I've seen in other men. But it's because of these little things that makes want to be with him and when he makes me laugh, I laugh with all my heart.

We've been together for more than 2 years 6 mths and today marks the day.

I miss you each time you're not with me and I don't think I can love any other man this much as I love you.

Be with me, now and forever.

Happy anniversary, sayang.

it's you that i want.

2009-09-15T20:49:00.004+08:00

For the strength to be strong,
For the will to carry on
For everything you do,
for everything that's true
I turn to you.

There are times in life where we each fall, feel lost and alone. And each time I feel that way, I turn to you.

It's you whom I turn to and I want you to turn to me too.

I love you with all my heart.

You are where my strength lies and where my hope never dies.

i love love you

2009-09-13T22:44:00.002+08:00

It wasn't the buying of the present that caught me off guard. It was the thought of having to come up with something else on the actual day. The present was already going to be as such and I already had plans on how to present it. However, since it was there and then, I just had to give it on the spot.

I know he is what I want and I want to give him what he wants. I don't think about it so much because in the name of love, half of the time we always end up doing foolish things or things that we never thought we are capable of doing.

With Haney being hospitalised, all I see is how much love is going around.

We have been growing up for years together and these are the years that keeps me alive.

Nothing has ever made me feel this way.

I love you and that's the only thing I want and need to do.

You are my everything.

Dance on my wedding ok?
HAHA

how do i know

2009-09-12T12:09:00.002+08:00

That the best is yet to come?
What if we're broke but not undone?
What if we're not what we've become?
How do I know?
How do I know when it's over?

I had always the voice of Elliot Yamin very soothing and romantic. I love his songs since all of it is about love.

Last night, I took a walk and it helped to calm my thoughts.

We've all changed in more ways than one. We came up with better dreams, bigger hopes and a brighter future. We all want more than what we thought we could accept.

Whatever come or happens, I am still here.

I won't leave, I won't even budge.

Because you are mine and I am yours.

i am done.

2009-09-10T07:53:00.000+08:00

The years seemed to have eroded the love.

I received an email that I did not expect and in whatever way I was supposed to decipher it, I deciphered it negatively.

This is the first and the last time.

At least I tried.

I am not that teenage girl you knew. I am a grown up woman with a mind of her own. I see things better now, both with the eyes and the heart.

If you choose to still be the little girl you are now, then we're done.

Because I am tired of having to entertain your childish self.

grand

2009-09-08T21:09:00.002+08:00

Work can be such a bitch especially when it bugs me at a quarter to nine at night. Unbelievable.

Internet sure comes in handy and in everything I do, I need to double-check, take a second look before I give the go ahead.

13th Dec 06 will forever be etched in my mind. And together with that day, I will forever remember and hear the words, "I am here, Nat". Cos those words are what that got me through.

It may be 3 years ago but it never left my mind. Heavily sedated, I fought to stay awake. I needed to be constantly comforted by looking at the people surrounding me while I was just laying there. And it wasn't just anybody that I wanted to see, it had to be them.

That day, my life changed.

Since then, I never looked at myself the same way, I never looked at the world the same way. I was different.

Since then, my life went on express mode. The next thing I knew I was with someone, I wasn't with someone, I was with someone. I stayed, I left, I returned. I remembered, I decided to forget, I wanted to remember again.

I was all over the place, I didn't know where I was. I just wanted to sail through as quickly as possible. But I didn't know why.

Even till today.

With Halif, it seemed as though he threw a blanket over my past and sheltered me through it.

A completely new lease of life.

My Amigos on the other hand, lived life with me through all of my 'lives' that I chose to live, had to live and never wanted to live.

This is the grand finale of my life.

dresseasy

2009-09-07T21:32:00.002+08:00

Dress easy

I have updated! :)

passion

2009-09-05T07:50:00.000+08:00

The greatest gift a husband can give a wife is to prepare her to go to heaven.

The greatest gift to give anyone is to place yourself in another person's shoes instead of your own.

I had always go by the principle where 'you live you learn'. But instead I realised it's actually when you love you learn. Love comes in different form. Most importantly, passion.

Without passion, no sex would emerge with an orgasm.

Without passion, no birthdays would be as special.

Without passion, no job would be enjoyable.

Without passion, no motivation to do anything.

Without passion, no religion you'd want to learn or understand.

I'd trade my world for God.

I have to start to prove it.

Patience is the key.

Not my hot-temperedness.

expressions

2009-09-02T19:36:00.003+08:00

I was feeling very negative just now and I called Halif to blurt out the few things I've been keeping inside.

One of the few thing I've learnt is how being surrounded by non-supportive people would affect your mind, spirit and decisions. It would also affect how you view yourself and daily life.

I've also learnt through life that you have to learn to make your own decisions and do what you need to do regardless of what people say. Of course, logic and common sense applies.

On a lighter note, Halif has played a huge role in my life ever since he stepped into my life more than 2 1/2 yrs ago. Despite our differences and the want to strangle each other so badly at times, he's still the boy I go all girlish with.

Thanks love for being here with me today.

And I will blog about my birthday soon. :)

Dress easy! - Support me! :) :) :)

2009-08-31T22:23:00.000+08:00

http://dresseasy.wordpress.com/

Yay, it's up! :)

books!

2009-08-28T13:07:00.000+08:00

I am in the midst of selling books and clothes online. :)

First is : http://booksonsale.wordpress.com/

Soon my clothes will be up!
:) :) :)

you

2009-08-27T23:28:00.003+08:00

You know, all that I need is for you to be supportive.

At first it was funny, now it isn't.

And I realised even more how you've been unsupportive all this while.

Especially when it comes from you.

first up - work!

2009-08-25T19:57:00.003+08:00

This is the 2nd time my birthday is celebrated at work. I was surprised and touched that a significant amt was spent on me despite most of them being a scrooge! HAHA!

I would miss this.

And you know someone is a banker when you give a goodie bag to him and he says, "This is the first time anyone has ever given something after spending $10. It's like dividends. Invest $10 and you get a goodie bag!"

I found that really funny. Haha!

I appreciate.

Thank you.

ayang - shopppiiiing!

2009-08-24T19:36:00.002+08:00

Going on a shopping trip with Halif is a chore and exhausting too. To be honest, this is the first time I am facing troubles going shopping with the other half. As far as I can remember, they always enjoyed it. Except him that is.

I knew I was unlike others and I knew the boys I date aren't always your average boys. There would always be something different that would stand out. Eg. hair, personality, sense of humor, facial features.

If you have nothing better to do, join me and do a run-through of all the boys I've dated and got into a relationship with.

Ok, you know what happened just 5 mins ago? I just typed a whole paragraph exposing the boys in my life. Then I realised I was divulging too much.

So let's start over. Let's talk about Mohammad. He was the stalker during the Ubi days. He would try to book the same slot and try to charm me using his bad boy persona. "I have like lots of alcohol in my cupboard at home which I'd hide from my mother," he would say. OH MY GOD! That's sizzling hot and what a turned on!

He would linger around until I finished and find an excuse to walk out with me. Then when my bus came (always came first), he would find another excuse to take the bus with me citing excuses like how it'd be much nearer for him to go home from where I stay.

Ok, it's so not near lah! And on top of that, he'd come up with worldly assumptions how I look tired or how it's going to rain (when it's like STUNNINGLY SUNNY) so that I'd take up on his offer to walk me home.

Ain't going to happen, sucker!

What else? How about Ali? Ali was kinda cool. Our story of how we met was much more exciting then the first one. He appeared at the right time and place. Sadly, not the right height. He was at least 4-5 years older than me but he looked like a 22 yr old when I was 19. The hot-o-meter plunged down further. Oh, he wasn't as psychotic as the first one but he was obsessed with the image of me on the bike. Like the only thing he wanted from me is to sit on the bike.

No, I didn't even asked what's in his head. No way!

So after this boy and that boy, I met my boy today.

Back to going shopping with him, it may be a chore. But when it comes to living life with him, it's a pleasure.

And you know, this will be our 3rd raya together.

Thanks for allowing me to bring my guard down when I am with you.

:)

Ramadhan

2009-08-21T20:03:00.004+08:00

I am very much excited that tomorrow is the month of Ramadhan. I welcome it with open arms.

Like how all the past fasting months, it will teach me lessons that my entire life cannot teach.

"Ramadan (Arabic: رمضان‎) (also written Ramazan, Ramzan, Ramadhan, Ramdan, Ramadaan) is the ninth month of the Islamic calendar. It is the Islamic month of fasting, in which participating Muslims refrain from eating, drinking, sexual conduct, smoking, and indulging in anything that is in excess or ill-natured; from dawn until sunset [1] Fasting is meant to teach the Muslim patience, modesty and spirituality. Ramaḍān is a time to fast for the sake of Allah, and to offer more prayer than usual. Muslims also believed through good actions, they get rewarded seventy times as much as they normally can achieve. During Ramaḍān, Muslims ask forgiveness for past sins, pray for guidance and help in refraining from everyday evils, and try to purify themselves through self-restraint and good deeds. As compared to solar calendar, the dates of Ramadan vary, moving forward about ten days each year. Ramadhan was the month in which the first verses of the Qur'an were revealed[Qur'an 2:185] to the Prophet Muhammad."

it's coming!

2009-08-18T21:35:00.002+08:00

Is it just me or is it the board??

Anyways Mas, I am trying to reply you since I just saw your tag which was tag unknowingly when, thanks to my board.

I don't sell motorcycle insurance. Haha! Only travel, junior care, 50-plus care, car insurance and home insurance. If you or anyone you know who's interested do inform. I am willing to sell. HEH!

I am excited and cannot wait for November. Wait, I cannot wait for September and October. So many birthdays coming!!! And so is mine! Heee

Dearest bf have been bugging me asking me what I want for my birthday so he can just get it. I however sadly, don't know what I want. I am not used to knowing what I want for my birthday because I am always being surprised.

So when comes my oh-so-in-your-face-logic boyfriend, I am STUMPED!

Or maybe because, what I really want is what money can't buy.

:)

$$$$

2009-08-15T21:51:00.001+08:00

I hate being so tight.

There my girlfriends are, outside hanging around.

Arab street or is it M hotel?

And here I am at home.

Why???

Cause I am such a spendthrift.

I am almost too afraid to face the truth but I know and sure that I spend at least $1500 a month.

On what?? I really don't know.

And that's just the basics.

If there's birthday or some special occasion, I end up spending more.

I hate myself right now for spending so much money on god knows what.

I need to bloody save. I feel like transferring a whole lot of money to elsewhere.

To somewhere I know I can never get my hands on.

Maybe a piggy bank would help.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

And I am still not satisfied that my Amigos are out there meeting each other while here I am at home.

I FEEL LIKE I AM LOSING OUT ON SOMETHING AMAZING EACH TIME MY AMIGOS MEET AND I AM NOT THERE.

I hate hate hate this feeling!

life and death

2009-08-13T19:18:00.003+08:00

At the point when I thought I would write, I would always be stumped.

Today, I did it again. I did some things that I myself don't understand. I took one bus down from my work place to Bedok. Nothing weird right? Then I went down and ran for the bus stop. Not the bus, but the bus stop. After that, I took a bus from that bus stop and drop at a place I don't even know where. Finally, I took the right bus home.

Huh? Yeah, same here.

Halif just called me and asked me what's the occasion in 3 days time. It's our anniversary! Time flies and soon when Mar 10 comes it'll be our 3rd year together. Funnily, I am more excited at the thought of our 3rd yr anniversary compared to our 2nd yr. Heee.

I am happy that we are each other's longest relationship. Finally, something in common we share. -_-

When I was uploading Phuket pics into FB, one picture made a little bit emotional. No, I didn't cry. Just reflect. It was the first time I was ever thrown in rough seas and being made to swim across. Not being a strong swimmer only made things harder. At least going I had my gears but losing my gears when I had to swim back, made me fearful. I was really scared.

I remembered looking ahead of me at the rough seas and my eyes pleaded with Gen. Gen kept pointing at me and repeatedly said, "My friend". I remembered hitting the rocks and going down under, fighting hard to breathe.

It sure was one hell of an experience! hah!

Everybody's dying.

Did you realise that there's a lot more death occurring everyday?

Allahu Akbar.

nat, the insurance girl

2009-08-12T21:28:00.001+08:00

I am selling INSURANCE for your home, kids, car and travel.

And I am not joking.

If you need a quotation, do feel free to ask me.

And I am still not joking.

Pls spread the word if you know of anyone who needs insurance for home, kids, car and travel.

Seriously guys, I am not joking.

I am qualified to sell insurance.

Buy from me!

Love, Nat.

love love bali!

2009-08-11T19:37:00.000+08:00

I'll be there for you.

Cause I want to.

And I am counting down for Bali!!!

back from phuket!

2009-08-08T00:59:00.002+08:00

I am back and I am officially tanned. My skin tone is like 3 times darker. Hur hur.

We surfed, rode a bike in Phuket (and I am the rider!), water rafting, cliff jumped, rode on an elephant, snorkled and swam in what is to me, one of the most dangerous seas.

We came back home with bruises, cuts and body cramps.

But it was all worth it.

God is great and the things God has created is just amazing.

Nothing is more beautiful than this.

6am at budget terminal

2009-08-03T05:59:00.000+08:00

hello lovelies, me and gen, we're off to phuket. See you soon, and wait for me. Love you. :)

work

2009-08-02T12:12:00.002+08:00

I woke up this morning and watch the JK wedding dance video and I still find it very amusing and only brought about laughter and smiles.

And finally, 3rd Aug 09 is here.

Somehow, the feeling is bittersweet. For one thing, I officially became workaholic. I cannot let go of work even at 8pm last night. And I cannot stop thinking about work for the next week.

I hate it when I am not in control. I don't know what's going to happen and I hate it for not being there to know what's to happen.

Funny, isn't it.

I hate it so much yet I love it so much too.

forever

2009-08-01T23:32:00.002+08:00

I really really love this video. Weddings are so great and amazing. I can so imagine myself doing the same thing on my wedding. HAHA.

But of course, that'd be a truly private event between friends and colleague and certain family members. I have to emphasize, "certain family members". HAHAHA Only Halif knows why... :p

But seriously, it's one of the sweetest things I have ever seen.

Where love proves to be a greater meaning to live life.

I love how relationship and friendship roll into one.

Forever.

zaki!

2009-07-30T20:25:00.002+08:00

Hpapy brtihady Zkai !!!

:)

And I already miss Halif even before I go. :(

focus

2009-07-29T20:28:00.002+08:00

I am left with a few more days to my much awaiting trip w Gen.

And I need to keep my mind in check.

Focus, nat. Focus.

work

2009-07-28T19:52:00.002+08:00

He's still singing love songs.

And all I want to do is hear.

Cause there's nothing I want more.

At least not how I used to.

Besides, I have more important things to think of; work.

mailbox!

2009-07-27T21:24:00.002+08:00

I love receiving things through my mailbox. How cool! I love how the mailbox is packed with bulky envelopes and I'd just sit around taking my time to open up. It's so exciting!

Ok on, this year my birthday, just please stuff things into my mailbox. Then we'll have a grand ceremony opening my mailbox. Hahaha!!!!

My baby is back home. Like finally. However, he's sick. When he's sick, he's grumpy. -_- It's ok, I love him right? So endure lor. HAHA!

I have bout less than a week to Phuket. The weather sucks these past weeks, hopefully when I am there, the weather would miraculously be fine. Pls pls pls, I waited like half a year for this. Manja me a bit leh.

I miss Chaaar!!! I haven't hung out with her for the longest time now. Like so weird never meet my kaki for so long. If I were to have my own home now, I'd prolly jio her over to sleep over after work.

Work is starting to change a bit. Hopefully, it'd go my way.

Hopefully.

where's my haridas?

2009-07-26T18:56:00.001+08:00

i miss char... :(

he's really nice. :)

2009-07-26T00:50:00.002+08:00

He said: and u seriously look pretty in ur pics. have always wanted to date u but didnt have the chance and was insecure to!hahaha

I've known him since I was in Poly year 2. We rarely talk and only have conversations if we were to come across each other on MSN. We used to sms a lot and we even had something going on but I didn't went ahead with it.

Why? Cos he's one year younger than me and it bugged me too much.

Sounds immature, after all what's one year right? But to me it means the difference between maturity, dreams and goal.

And years later, when we spoke again, he still says the same things he said since I first knew him.

What a sweet talker eh? Wait till you see him. He's hot in a grunge, manly way.

But too bad, he's taken.

And so am I.

HAHAHAHA

( I miss ayang! :( )

harry potter

2009-07-25T00:22:00.000+08:00

The popcorn has officially made me nauseous.

Gen's right.

Then again, since when Gen had ever been wrong.

The final countdown: 1 week to Phuket!

wed night thoughts

2009-07-22T20:04:00.002+08:00

At first I couldn't figure. I was trying to fix the router by buying a new router and then fixing it myself. So I tried and tried, I was still unable to get it right despite being sure that I was.

Then my trip to the toilet changed everything. The moment I stepped into the toilet, it suddenly occurred to me that I had fixed the Ethernet to the wrong pc. Ta-da. After I fixed it, my router was successfully configured.

All it needed was a trip to the toilet. Hur Hur.

Today I was on the way back from work when I met someone I knew in the bus. I was hoping he didn't see me as I was more than prepared to not acknowledged him. He's not horrible, he just give me the creeps.

He used to be my colleague at Sakura and the first thing he told me was that girls with a lot of hair are usually horny. What kind of impression do you expect me to have of him when that was the first thing he told me when we FIRST conversed!

At that time I was only 16 and believe it or not, I was still quite innocent. I was aware, I just didn't like talking about it. But here was a complete stranger who spoke to me about being horny.

Years down the road we met again but usually in the bus and he would be absolutely pleased to have a conversation with me. However, I wasn't. He'd asked me time and again if my no had change, asked me where I work now, asked me how I am, reminded me of the "good old times" that we had "spent" together.... I am FREAKED out.

I'd always try to take my leave as soon as I got the chance as I didn't want to tell him too much about myself. And I wonder why I can never just lie. Everytime I'd always end up telling the truth and then regret it.

Who knows right? -_-

I realised that as time passes by, I get so used to Ayang that when any other male stranger tries to pick me up or talk to me, I'd get very uncomfortable. I am perfectly fine with my two boys because they know me inside and out. :) But for the rest, I just get super uncomfortable.

I wonder why.

nite!

2009-07-21T22:03:00.002+08:00

I miss ayaaaang!....

I decided to open an acct w another bank just because I feel like it. And also because I am more determined than ever to save money. I didn't even took cab this week..though today is just Tuesday...But it is an achievement for me. Especially today when I ended briefing at 8pm. No peak hour and I still took MRT.......

I am going to trsf a fixed amt every mth to another acct in another bank. Then the existing acct I am only going to top up when I have extra cash. Make sense? Sadly, I RARELY have extra cash....

I was thinking of signing up with M1 cause it provides free incoming and free outgoing to 3 nos which I find to be cost saving. However, my line is not from M1 and neither is anyone I know. I wanted to get an IPhone but what is stopping me is Singtel. They charge by per min while Starhub charges by seconds. Therefore, Starhub would still go easy on the bills compared to the rest.

I was going to ask ayang to change to M1 and myself too. Despite the per min charge, it'd still be affordable cos the person I call most is ayang. So it would make sense.

And now with my credit cards from different banks, offers me 1-for-1 deal or at least a 10% discount. As they say, a little goes a long way.

As you can see, I am finding all sorts of ways trying to fight the money battle. I get credit & debits cards so that I'd get discounts. I went to check out the 3 different mobile provider so that I'd pay the least price. I even entrusted SBS now instead of "risking" my life with Comfort & SMRT.

See the lengths I go to save money?

Even for holidays, I end up browsing through every hotel, going through every forums to check out which would be best for my pocket and at the same time, safety. At least those are the two things that matters most to me.

Now with the Jakarta bombing, makes me worry on my future trip in Nov to Bali. You see, now they bomb aimlessly. Maybe when it first started it was for some kind of reason that would at least sound sane to an insane, but now it sounds completely insane even to the insane.

What have the world come to?

I think I am drifting a far bit. Back to saving money, I see it as something very important. Even though I have ayang whom I believe will not do anything to lose me, I still believe strongly that I need to have my own money.

I believe that at the end of the day, I need to be both independent and dependent. Because that is how every relationship works being in the context of love, friendship, family or work.

Tomorrow is another day of challenging myself to lose weight and to save money.

Just maybe, I might have a stronger will power than I thought I had.

And ayang, I still miss you. What would I do without you? :)

Good night everyone!

bye bye boy

2009-07-20T21:50:00.003+08:00

I don't like it when a boy bugs me unnecessarily.

I am fine with the fact that he randomly adds me on facebook.

What I am not fine is when he constantly pm me.

The last straw was when he said, "Sombong ah".

The next thing I did was to delete him from my facebook.

Ta-da, solves all my problem!

no no reservice. no no no.

2009-07-20T20:42:00.000+08:00

i miss ayang. :(

celebrate!!

2009-07-19T21:25:00.002+08:00

It was her birthday....

It was her birthday too....

I had two different person who celebrated the same birthdays.

I had a lil trouble doing the hamper at first but I managed to pull through with good connections. Thanked God for nice people!

And I realised, I still love birthdays!

:)

family II

2009-07-14T19:20:00.002+08:00

Haney: Nat, should we order Spize?
Nat: Hmm..I feel like having Banditto leh.
Haney: But KFC only delivers up to 11pm. Now no more. We order Spize?
Nat: Char, Ayang, are you hungry?
Char: I already had dinner. It's ok.
Halif: No lah, ate a lot already. Not hungry.
Nat: Han, only you and me eating leh.
Haney: So how?
*by this time, haney was already browsing through the internet for Spize*
Nat: Just order lor. I eat with you then.

*haney and nat selecting the food*

Nat: You guys really don't want anything? See the menu lah and order something.
Char: No lar really. I ate dinner already. Not hungry.
Halif: *shakes head* and continues to watch tv.

*haney and nat orders*

2 excruciating hours later.....

Nat: Yay the food is here!

*haney runs to the door*

Char: *Guilty giggles* and runs to the door.

No prize for guessing what happens next. As Haney lays the food on the table, came Char and Halif to the table. Natural as it seems, they start to eat. This was the two person who insisted and refused to eat. I had asked like more than 3 times and ta-da, when the food came, they ate away! hahahahaha!!!

Now this happens very often. Lesson learnt? Never trust them when they say they're not hungry. Cos they always are.

What I love best too about the night was how it felt so natural and homely to be there. My Amigos were there, Halif was there and so was Yang. The only two person that we were lacking of were Kimmy and Sica.

We are very family-like. The Batam trip especially showed more things that we had expected. We cook, ate and do things together.

It was perfect. Just perfect.

Now I can't wait to have my own home and have everyone to chill over at my own place.

I supposed by then I'd learn to cook and I'd have a fridge stored with all kinds of desert. In a way, my home is theirs too. It'd be so damn cool.

Now I wonder what if I do have a kid. It'd be even more cool having 5 God-ma's (did I spell this right?) and having them doting and bringing my kid out.

It'd be so cool.
:)

love you. :)

love

2009-07-12T11:11:00.002+08:00

You may just be one person to the world but you may be the world to one person.

I always thought it sounded cheesy but I realised how true it has become.

It had always been you.

ayang

2009-07-09T20:08:00.002+08:00

A couple of things changed ever since we got together, it just got better. We have a lot of things planned for a future together. But of course that would also mean, sacrifices to be made.

I can't wait love.

I can't believe you're mine.

ride

2009-07-08T19:40:00.002+08:00

You would be lying if you were to say you know what's coming.

You don't, nobody does.

Today, you have all of you but you may not tomorrow.

Keep it in check.

random thoughts

2009-07-06T19:13:00.005+08:00

Driving makes me feel so relax. I just don't think about anything at all except for driving. I love how it gathers all of my attention.

2009 really passed by very fast. It's already the other half of the year. It has been a fantastic year for me and I can't think of any other better year.

I gain some, I lose some. Not that I am bothered by it, at least not anymore.

I am looking ahead and that's the only direction I am looking at.

weekends!

2009-07-05T20:42:00.002+08:00

On Thursday, I met D. On Friday, I sent Zaki off at the airport to Aussie and went swimming with Maria & Gen. On Saturday, I went to Halif's family BBQ and then went for driving. On Sunday, I went Sci Ctr with Gen, Char & Halif, watch the IMAX, headed to Holland Village then to Red Dot Museum.

I love Weekends!!

gossip

2009-07-02T23:16:00.002+08:00

I met D after many years and I concluded one thing.

If you're screwed up, you'll always be screwed up.

The truth will prevail, and I am not screwed up!

HAH!

Also, if you would like to gossip about people, do check blind spot....

HAHAHAHA

mj

2009-07-01T21:54:00.002+08:00

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways
And No Message Could Have
Been Any Clearer
If You Wanna Make The World
A Better Place
Take A Look At Yourself And
Then Make A Change

I was never really a fan of Michael Jackson but with the recent unfortunate event of his passing, I decided to find out about him.

I never did once believe that he messed with those kids because one of the biggest human flaws is envy. When we see someone who else who has it better than us, we can be capable of doing anything to have what they have. Or even to snatch it.

He like every other human being has the flaw of being vain. Maybe so, that could be his biggest sin. But what he has and what he can do, touched billion of lives. Have you heard his song? Almost all was about trying to make the world a better place.

One of the songs that I like best must be, 'Man in the mirror'.

He's definitely a legend and if indeed he did convert to a Muslim before he passed away, I hope you get there.

Insyallah.

goodbyes

2009-06-30T20:37:00.002+08:00

Anton & Pearce

It's a week of goodbyes.

Today was the officially their last day and I am sure that I don't speak just for myself but for everyone too that we will miss them.

They brought so much laughter and were the most two helpful TRM I had ever met.

I am grateful for having them around but of course, nothing ever stays forever.

And they had to leave.

So that was today.

Soon when Friday comes, it's Zaki's turn.

I am no good with goodbyes and especially distance.

religion

2009-06-30T20:21:00.002+08:00

When I first saw her, the first thing I told Halif was, "Oh my God! She converted!"

Halif thought she converted to a Christian. -_- After all, I was partly at fault for having used the word 'convert'.

I had always been a Muslim, at least I was born one. However, clearly I am not a true blue Muslim.

I was never close to her, heck, we never really had a proper conversation. I did somewhat knew about the life she was living from the claims of one person and another. But when I saw the pic, as much as she had the courage to do what she did, she had the courage to do this.

Even I don't know if I am strong enough.

I feel so amazed by her and her hubby too for being supportive. You see, she didn't just marry another Muslim. She married a Caucasian who converted into Muslim.

I had always been doubtful about converts especially when it was about marriage, but her marriage, proved me otherwise. I feel ashamed for being doubtful and so proud of her for becoming who she is now.

I thought more about myself and I knew for the longest time, I had toyed with the idea. I had told Char first about it many years ago but I knew what was coming. It didn't had anything to do with them, it had to do a lot with me. Like the tone I was using when I told, the truth I portrayed in my eyes.

I was scared shit inside.

During Poly days, it made me opened my eyes that there are no people I want to be with except for my Amigos. Looking at how I am the only Muslim around, nothing is ever simple.

Char had been great all these years, always accommodating to my eating needs despite it can be taxing at times. And Gen of course, getting the Halal soap, touched me deep inside that made just want to go down on my knees and thanked God for everything He has given me.

I don't know what the years ahead might bring me. Who knows when I do wear tudung, but when I do, I hoped I would still look as beautiful as I am to you now.

However, the one thing I hoped most, is that you won't leave me.

Please don't.

love fship life

2009-06-29T20:16:00.003+08:00

It's June, can you believe it?! And it's 2009!! I didn't think I'd get this far. Then again, I had always been a pessimist.

I was listening to a particular song that well, made me reflect about the past that triggered the strongest emotions in me. The very first thing that came to my mind was the accident I met. I remembered clearly the point when I woke up after the accident. I struggled and screamed in pain yet there was no voice that came out of me. I was in so much pain and the next thing I knew, the nurses wrestled me then injected me with something and I wasn't conscious anymore.

The next thing I remembered was 'Ms'. He was such a bad memory, a black past. I was partly at fault too, for being too daring and pushing the limits. Clearly, it was one of the worse decisions I had ever made.

Looking back, I realised after Zam, I wasn't the girl next door anymore. I stormed out of the door, walked right into the world not knowing what I had gotten myself into. Yet, it wasn't something I had regret.

After all, it made me experienced so many different kinds of emotions, I didn't know existed. I dated a couple of boys, I didn't know I was capable of dating. I felt so cool back then, so free.

But now at this age, after meeting Halif, I slowed down a whole lot. All of a sudden I was sticking to one man and more so, for more than 2 years. Again, it was something I didn't think I was capable of.

I had surprised myself.

It wasn't just have a permanent boyfriend that surprised me. What surprised me even more are my Amigos. Gen clearly had grown a whole lot and in so many ways, Kimmy had never look this beautiful before (maybe I didn't notice), Haney has finally dared to reveal herself and Char is beginning to see the world for what it's for.

Everyone is different now, everyone is older. It may seem redundant to mention 'older' but I see it in a different sense. Not age.

I used to think and tried to find things to talk about with Gen. But I realised I just needed to give it time. When we both grew up, everything became natural. And Gen had been amazing to me. When I was hospitalised after my accident, visiting me at the hospital became part of her school time table. She'd come over before sch and after sch, even on the day I was discharged. She was just there to help me push me ard on the wheelchair and into the car.

Then when Gen headed over to Sweden, I was afraid I'd lose her too after having 2 of the Amigos already overseas. You see, I am never good with distance. I don't know how to deal with it and how to maintain a friendship or a relationship while having them so far away.

So I started emailing Gen and I began to realise, with Gen it was just different. Everything about Gen is different.

And of course, last Saturday. Having Gen travelled the distance just to buy the 'Halalised soap' just so I can eat, touched me in so many ways. Not many people I know would go that kind of distance for me.

But she did.

I don't know how to thank her to show how I really feel about the things she's done. But one thing's for sure, if she needs me, I am there.

Simply because, I never want to lose someone as special as she is.

Gen. :)

slow day

2009-06-25T19:35:00.002+08:00

We went to the sneak preview of Transformers last Tuesday, courtesy of the generosity of my company. I brought the other half along and in a "small" way, everyone got excited about meeting him.

When they met him, I am sure they had the same thoughts as you did; handsome. Only that no one had ever said it aloud. Not that it bothers me, cause I already know.

Then of course, they look at me and wonder why. We are completely opposite physically and mentally. It does dampen the relationship but it also lifts the relationship to a level where I myself had never experience before this.

Like everything, there is ups and down.

We've come this far, a first for both of us. I know that it'd only get even more serious but it's something that I welcome. It does scare me once in a while but it is normal right?

At least I choose to think it's normal. HAHA.

Anyways, recently at work, I have become more concerned with my skin. Every morning when I reach work, I would slather body butter on my skin while turning on my music on loud speaker. I really enjoy that and it makes me feel relax.

Work was interesting today...one my colleagues out of the blue, screamed " I AM SO HORNY!!! I NEED SEX !!! "

The things we do at work.

-_-

order!

2009-06-24T20:54:00.002+08:00

I am officially addicted to online shopping.

If everything I had requested for is confirmed, in total I would have bought 4 tops online.

I realised I am an addict. There was this one time where for the first time I tried hotcakes from Mac Donald and I was hooked. For the next 4 days, I was eating hotcakes for breakfast.

This week starting Monday, I was hooked on Pocky. Till today, I have been eating it for breakfast.

When I am hook on a particular food, I will end up eating it for at least the next 4 days or even a week. But after that, I'd be so sick of it, I wouldn't even want to smell it.

Now we all know where my money went.

And just maybe, I am suffering from a compulsive disorder.

Hah!

haney's pool side!

2009-06-22T21:31:00.002+08:00

The past weekend was satisfying for me. I spent time with my Amigos and Halif. To be honest, that was enough for me.

I might even be addicted to them.

I think I already am.

And I love Haney's poolside..we should just hang out there often.

We can order food and lepak there.

Like how the weather was nice the other day, we might just end up having all falling asleep instead of two!

HAHAHA.

I love you guys!

MOVIE

2009-06-21T21:25:00.001+08:00

I caught a movie at JB.

One of the most daring things I've done!

Heeee

holiday

2009-06-18T21:50:00.005+08:00

My holiday partner !!! - GEN

This is where we are going!

My holiday partner !!! - Yani

This is where we are going!

And I am freaking excited!!!!! :) :) :)

love love anniversary!

2009-06-15T21:12:00.002+08:00

I am surprised by myself as he is. I cooked and I clean even though I come home from 10 hrs of work today.

I had always known I was independent. It attributed to how my parents brought us up where we learn that trying out new things are natural and so is doing things yourself; initiative. And I love every bit of it.

See what I am like now.

I was telling Halif the other day that he should be thankful that I wasn't clingy. Guess what he said? "You clingy what!" Hmmph! Haha! I am not clingy ok! Clingy means wanting him to be with me 24 hrs! I don't! No offence dear. But I need space as much as I believe you need one too. :)

Hmm..come to think of it, I do like Halif around half the time. He can be quite the entertainer (believe it or not!). I loved yesterday especially. Halif was never really a public affection kinda guy, especially not when my friends and family are around. But when we're in a world of our own, he became the man I needed him to be. It's hard to explain, I am not saying that we started groping or became physically barbaric but he became him (no, we still did not grope each other). And maybe that's one of the reasons why I fell in love with him over and over again.

And since we're talking bout it, tomorrow is our 2 yrs 4 month anniversary!

I love you sayang!

still you.

2009-06-14T22:17:00.003+08:00

I've probably said it many times but what I feel about you, I am sure. I had never been so sure in my entire life.

For the first time, I am.

And it's still you that I see.

Harusnya takkan ku biarkan kau pergi,
Membuat ku terpuruk rasa ingin mati,
Derita yang mendera kapan akan berakhir,
Hanya engkau yang mampu taklukkan hatiku.

pics!

2009-06-14T21:28:00.002+08:00

Guys, I have updated the link. From now onwards for pics, look forward to the link below.

http://picasaweb.google.com/29august87

I am doing a clean up so bear with me ok!

life, colleageus, friends

2009-06-10T19:20:00.004+08:00

I came back to work today after 2 days of MC since Monday. My health hasn't been too well and the irony is that I wonder why.

When I am back at work, as usual Wendy would go on her ranting for as long as she could. Not that she loves to gossip, she can't help it!

I don't know what to do with this girl,"R". For the first time in my life, the moment I see her, I get angry. It comes so naturally, like the mess in my room! I mean how is it possible to see someone and get angry almost immediately without them even having to do anything!

I used to not feel about R that way, just recently. It was just one thing that she said and I snapped. She dared to speak about how we have EQ problems and how we should all be professional. Only if she had mirrored herself.

I wouldn't have been so mean if she hadn't been so dumb. Wait, let's start again. I should be better than her right? After all, someone has to be the bigger person.

Oh screw that shit.

On a different note, issues.

I know and am very sure that each of us have personal issues that we run from and hide. We don't speak of it very often and when we do, it's either we deny, cry over it or get angry.

Like the issue with me and my bike, my tuition kids, the boys, the family. It never ends. What am I going to let it do to me? Affect me for the rest of my life?

But for how long?

Personally, I feel it's alright to look back once in a while to feel what you want to feel but come back to the present and stop influencing emotions of the past to the present.

I guess it's easier for me to say because I have the blessings of having people who love me to help me overcome my issues. Although I have to admit, it doesn't really end.

However, trust me. It's all your choice. You are empowered to get over it or you can choose to go through life being bitter about it.

We are quite lucky bunches and to me, I already have everything.

The issues will come and go but my sanity, it can never take away from me. As long as I have faith, as long as I believe I can, I can get through anything.

I am sure you can see for yourself that I am much happier and free-will. They say it takes time but it isn't.

It takes you to make a choice.
Make it wisely.

Like how I made mine.

I love you and I always will.

stupid fuck money

2009-06-09T19:13:00.003+08:00

You know what angers me, money. The topic of money to be specific.

It's bad enough that I am not earning enough to spend and save, yet to everyone it seems as though I am earning millions.

Stop asking me for my money!

I have dreams and wants too you know. I am not sitting around waiting for you to sponge on me. You want to go on a holiday? You want to buy new things? Save. That's your solution.

Because that is the solution for me. I fucking save.

Don't make yourself sound so pitiful. The last time I heard, you said what you give, you don't expect back.

Clearly, you're a big fat liar.

I've had enough.

You may be who you are, but I am what I am.

What I give you accept.

You don't like? Don't take.

As simple as that.

And since I am feeling so provoked, I am not your bitch.

Do not call me and talk to me as if you owned me.

Especially, not you.

I may not be married, but I am somebody's woman.

Respect me and I will respect you.

Even if I was single, I still wouldn't pick you.

Clearly, you are not my favorite.

Get your facts right.

Cos I can and I will drop you.

Just watch me.

myworld.

2009-06-08T10:11:00.002+08:00

In my world, there is no such thing as money.

:)

2009-06-04T19:30:00.003+08:00

Not necessarily.

Love is an amazing thing.

Allison Dubois in the show, 'Medium' (Season 5 Episode 19) just made me almost cry.

Like that love story, 'Ps I love you', love is an amazing thing.

I think you are amazing.

And I just really want you to know that.

"Someone who knows how to love you without being told"